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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26193028">The 101 Rules of Akko</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TracedInAir/pseuds/TracedInAir'>TracedInAir</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Diakko Week 2020 [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Little Witch Academia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comedy, Crack, Diakko Week, Diana is permanently suffering, F/F, Fluff, absolute nonsense, we had so much fun coming up with these</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:22:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,554</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26193028</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TracedInAir/pseuds/TracedInAir</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It was actually Sucy's idea at first. Then Amanda got involved, and by the time Diana started adding her suggestions it had all gotten quite out of control.</p><p>aka: Akko annoys the gang so much they make a list of things she can't do and it very quickly gets out of hand.</p><p>Written for Diakko Week 2020, Day 7: Free Day.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari, Hamanda if you squint I guess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Diakko Week 2020 [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1893886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>238</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The 101 Rules of Akko</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Co-written by TruthfulWolfhunter, who really needs to enable the co-author feature so I can officially tag this fic as such ty dear.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><ol>
<li>I, Atsuko “Akko” Kagari, do solemnly swear to follow these rules, in their entirety.</li>
<li>I acknowledge that should I fail to follow these rules, it’s only fair that<br/><strike>Sucy gets to try out her potions on me</strike><br/><strike>I have to give up my desserts to Amanda</strike><br/>my friends will be mad.</li>
<li>“I saved magic” is not a get-out-of-jail-free card.</li>
<li>“I saved magic” is also not a get-out-of-detention-free card.</li>
<li>Just because something was funny the first time doesn’t mean I have to keep doing it.</li>
<li>I will not steal tarts from the kitchens.</li>
<li>I will not ask the fairy staff to give me tarts from the kitchens.</li>
<li>Just because I <em>can</em> do something, doesn’t mean I <em>should</em>.</li>
<li>This especially applies to flying.</li>
<li>I will at least <em>attempt</em> to not get myself into trouble so much. See rule 4.</li>
<li>If I <em>do</em> end up doing something likely to get myself into trouble, I will not drag others into whatever it was that I came up with, thereby also getting them into trouble.</li>
<li>I will not make a cute face at Diana to get myself out of trouble.</li>
<li>Even if it always works.</li>
<li>I will not distribute copies of the Communist Manifesto among the fairy workers.</li>
<li>I will not steal cakes from the kitchens.</li>
<li>Nobody wants to listen to J-Pop with me.</li>
<li>Or K-Pop.</li>
<li>Or anime music.</li>
<li>If my explanation for my actions is, “I assumed it would be OK,” it was probably not OK.</li>
<li>I will apologise to Lotte.</li>
<li>Not for anything in particular, she just puts up with so much of my nonsense she almost certainly deserves it.</li>
<li>I will stop intentionally mixing up Hannah and Barbara’s names. See rule 5.</li>
<li>The “bilingual/bisexual” jokes are not funny. They have never been funny. Rule 5 doesn’t even apply can I <em>please</em> stop making the exact same joke every time language is brought up in any context.</li>
<li>I am not permitted to ask Diana a question and then reply “Why?” over and over again.</li>
<li>Under no circumstances am I ever to even consider touching one of Sucy’s potions.</li>
<li>Or mushrooms.</li>
<li><strike>I will not attempt to perform dangerous broom stunts.</strike></li>
<li><strike>I will not be lame as hell and <em>will</em> do cool broom stunts at every opportunity.</strike></li>
<li><strike>Really, Amanda.</strike></li>
<li><strike>Why don’t we just replace this whole list with “I will not have fun.”</strike></li>
<li>I will work on improving my flying before attempting dangerous broom stunts.</li>
<li>Complaining about “The Brits” should be a private matter between myself and Amanda, not a loud public spectacle that drags on for nearly an hour <em>every time.</em>
</li>
<li>Nobody wants to watch anime with me.</li>
<li>Amendment: Amanda and Constanze absolutely want to watch more of that cool mecha stuff with me. Nobody else wants to watch anime with me.</li>
<li>Further amendment: OK so the magical girl shows were cute as heck and Lotte really enjoyed them so fine, whatever, maybe people want to watch anime with me.</li>
<li>Diana still does not want to watch Gurren Lagann with me.</li>
<li>Or any other mecha anime.</li>
<li>Not even Promare.</li>
<li>I am not allowed to mock Hannah about that time she thought Amanda in a suit was a hot boy. See rule 5.</li>
<li><strike>If I must insist on speaking exclusively in this strange form of Internet Language with Amanda, I should endeavour to at least explain to others what I mean.</strike></li>
<li><strike>It’s not my fault Diana’s meme game is so weak, I should tell her to git gud instead.</strike></li>
<li><strike>I could at the very least explain to Diana what all of these “memes” even mean.</strike></li>
<li>I will apologise to the world for what I have done.</li>
<li>Diana That Understands Memes is a monster of my own creation, and I must atone for my sins.</li>
<li>I will not refer to Daryl Cavendish as a “Karen,” or at the very least, not to her face. See rule 5.</li>
<li>Professor Finnelan is not a Karen either.</li>
<li>And if I respond to Professor Finnelan’s lectures with “OK Boomer,” I really should not be surprised at the consequences. See rule 4.</li>
<li>If I “OK Boomer” Diana ever again, my life is forfeit.</li>
<li>Even if she still doesn’t understand technology, despite my best efforts.</li>
<li>The fact my “best efforts” mostly entailed “getting frustrated that she didn’t understand, then just making up a bunch of nonsense to explain how tech worked as if it was magic” may be part of the problem.</li>
<li>Upon having successfully taught Diana how to use a phone, I should probably have informed her that LOL does not mean “lots of love.”</li>
<li>And that the winky face is <em>not</em> to be used in any of the ways Diana has been using it.</li>
<li>Nor is the peach emoji.</li>
<li>If I ever feel like laughing at any of the above rules, I should remember rule 48.</li>
<li>I will not replace all of the beds in the Luna Nova dorms with excessively large couches.</li>
<li>Upon having successfully hooked my friends on cute magical girl anime, I will not traumatise them by introducing them to what they thought was another cute magical girl show, and was in fact a psychological horror.</li>
<li>Why on earth did I even <em>think</em> it was a good idea to introduce my friends to Cards Against Humanity.</li>
<li>And if I <em>was</em> that stupid, <em>why did I not remove the ‘dead parents’ card, </em>or at least prevent Sucy from playing it to Diana.</li>
<li>I will ensure that whatever new phrase I learned from Amanda is not some kind of obscenity or innuendo <em>before</em> I use it in public.</li>
<li>And for the good of Diana’s continued health, could I <em>please</em> think before I say something that could be potentially misconstrued.</li>
<li>In particular, I am never again to suggest a trip to a restaurant by saying “hey Diana, wanna go eat out?”</li>
<li>I will stop asking Amanda to explain why rule 61 is necessary, or why she keeps laughing.</li>
<li><strike>WHAT DO YOU MEAN I KNEW ALL ALONG IT WAS AN INNUENDO!? I AM GOING TO KILL YOU KAGARI, GIRLFRIEND OR NOT.</strike></li>
<li>I will refrain from giving Amanda a high five any time the above comes up in conversation.</li>
<li>In fact, I will refrain from giving Amanda a high five every time either of us makes a joke at Diana’s expense.</li>
<li>No finger guns either.</li>
<li>This is not erasing bisexual culture, we got Hannah to write the rule to make sure of it.</li>
<li>If I try to high five Sucy, I deserve everything I get.</li>
<li>No.</li>
<li><strike>What do you mean no!?</strike></li>
<li><strike>No, we’re not putting a rule there, and you know <em>precisely</em> why, O’Neill.</strike></li>
<li><strike>This list is stupid.</strike></li>
<li>I will not steal puddings from the kitchens.</li>
<li>I will not steal any form of food from the kitchens, the pantry, the store cupboard, the delivery lorry, or <em>any other location</em> where food belonging to Luna Nova Academy is situated.</li>
<li>I will stop sliding down the banisters at Cavendish Manor. I’m going to get seriously hurt some day if I keep this up.</li>
<li>I will not affix googly eyes to portraits in Cavendish Manor.</li>
<li>I also will not replace any of the furniture in Cavendish Manor with excessively large couches.</li>
<li>Where did I even get this giant couch idea from? Why won’t I stop??</li>
<li>I will not distribute copies of Das Kapital among the fairy workers.</li>
<li>I am forbidden from using the word “uwu” ever again.</li>
<li>Even if I am mocking the speech of others.</li>
<li>Look, we all love ya, Akko, but if you say “uwu look at me I’m Suwucy and I loooooove mushruwums soooooo much” again, you do kinda deserve to die.</li>
<li>I will stop mocking Amanda for being a New Yorker.</li>
<li>Even if she pretended to be Texan for years.</li>
<li>No one wants to eat my pickled plums. Not even <em>Jasminka.</em>
</li>
<li>Assisting with Constanze’s lab is permitted. Assisting with Constanze’s lab <em>unsupervised</em> is not.</li>
<li>I am never, <em>ever</em> permitted to ask Sucy what her “weirdest fantasy” is during truth or dare ever again.</li>
<li>In fact, I’m banned from doing anything that might cause Sucy to bring up that time we got eaten by Vajarois.</li>
<li>I will not ask Diana to translate “oink oink capitalist pig” into dragon language so I can say it to Fafnir.</li>
<li>Nor will I transform myself into a flying pig to add to the punchline. See rule 5.</li>
<li>I will not ask Diana if Barbara has any more personality than “formerly a bully” and “likes NightFall.”</li>
<li>Even if I honestly didn’t know.</li>
<li>I will lose my Witchflix privileges if I do not stop suggesting that Daryl Cavendish fed her husband to her snakes.</li>
<li>I will not make jokes about Diana’s hair looking like cabbage.</li>
<li>Or “matcha ice cream, but like, human.”</li>
<li>I WILL NOT STEAL FOOD.</li>
<li>STOP IT.</li>
<li>WERE THE FOUR PREVIOUS RULES NOT ENOUGH?</li>
<li>WHY WAS I CAPABLE OF MASTERING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TO PERFECT FLUENCY AT THE AGE OF SIXTEEN, YET AM SOMEHOW UNABLE TO MUSTER THE BASIC READING COMPREHENSION REQUIRED TO UNDERSTAND THIS INCREDIBLY SIMPLE INSTRUCTION.</li>
<li>I will maybe, just once, shut up about Shiny Chariot for <em>five seconds.</em> Seriously, she’s one of our teachers now, how is it not kinda weird?</li>
<li>But above all, I’ll continue to be one of the coolest friends any of us have ever had.<br/>I’ll continue to be tolerable I guess.<br/>I’ll continue to be the most wonderful girlfriend imaginable.<br/>Ew.</li>
</ol>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dedicated to all the lovely people I've met through this fandom, not least because I stole all of your jokes for this fic &lt;3</p><p>But seriously, I'm so glad I started writing and getting involved in this community. I've met so many funny and interesting people I never would have otherwise. Y'all are great.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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